Chim Chim Cheree

So I saw an advert on TV for Blood Diamond. Ages ago I saw the trailer while we were at the movies and had decided not to go watch it, seeing as it looked like a big pile of crap. After seeing the TV ad & looking into it further through my friend YouTube, the big pile of crap opinion has been strongly reinforced. But I've also decided that I'll probably want to see it.

Yup, I'm willing to sit through 2 hours of excruciating, nonsensical bullshit just so I can watch as Leonardo DiCaprio joins the ranks of actors who have tried (and failed) to produce a credible South African accent.



Although, to be fair to Leo, he's nowhere near as bad as Nicole Kidman was in The Interpreter. When I watched that movie, I had no idea what the story was about, so spent the first 20 minutes thinking Nicole was trying to sound like she was from Italy, not Zimbabwe. (Sorry, I mean Matobo, that completely made up African country that bears no resemblance to Zimbabwe at all, just as its despised tyrannical leader, who totally gets pwned by Nicole, is in no way similar to Mugabe).



Forgive me while I bloviate, but I think that the worst thing about watching such linguistic cockery is that you can just tell that the actor in question thinks that they're doing Just Fine.

I understand that some people just don't have an ear for accents. I live with one. So I get why people are spewing mangled bollocks all over movie sets. What I don't get, however, is why nobody else tells them how bad they are. Don't these people have dialect coaches? And don't these dialect coaches ever say, "Sorry, Nic, you're just shite. There's nothing I can do for you'? Failing that, how come the directors, camera crew, cast members, editors and catering staff apparently never feel that they're able to speak up and tell the star it's just not working?

But no, instead of being gently corrected (which could, in fact, improve their acting abilities), actors all over the world are left marvelling at their own leet accent skillz.

I hate bad accents. I hate, hate, hate them. I'm of the belief that, if a certain actor can't produce one to a reasonably realistic standard, then the director should either a) get a different actor in to play that part, or b) tell the actor not to bother with the accent at all.*

And this applies to even good actors. Those who are at least adequately skilled in other areas of performance aren't necessarily also able to put on a convincing accent. Allow me to demonstrate:

I actually wanted to put two other people in that list, but I couldn't think of anything postive to say about them.

An annoying Dick playing an irritating mockney wanker.

What the fuck? I mean, seriously, What. The. Fuck?

Intensely bad Australian accents abound on Lost, but Emilie de Ravin is deserving of unbridled scorn because she is actually an Australian. She's from fucking Mount Eliza.

I think I'm either going to start a charity to provide dialect coaches to needy thespians, or lobby for legislation banning dodgy accents. I'd be doing the world a favour.

*Or c) indulge your actor, then post-production get in another actor to dub over the first's monumentally terrible dialogue.